#i can't remember how to tag anymore
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Lately I've only been wishing to grab a comic about my favorite character and just have a genuinely good time reading it.
#I can't remember the last time I took a Deadpool comic and genuinely had a good time about it#I hate the direction they took with his character and it's so disrespectful that I don't even talk about I don't even think *any* Deadpool#fan genuinely talk about it because were so tired of his kids characterization we all just collectively decided to ignore whatever hell#marvel through at him#but rant aside#it's just–#I am not sure if comic books are fun anymore I don't even know who I am making content for half of the people on my notes haven't touched#comic book and aren't pretending to do so#people who read the comics tend to be so mean or bitter about it that even if you follow most will be angry about something#comic or fan related and I don't know if I can blame them but following that is draining#and as much as I was trying to be a good sport about it you make a post about comic book characters and#and the overwhelming response is 'I don't read the comics but'– following up by a take about them that doesn't even recognize any core#aspect of their personality that you can't even grasp you can't even recognize them#you can't recognize them on tue cannon you can't recognize them on the fannon#and no matter how engaging you try to make content about the fandom people just–*refuse* to read it. And then– they *refuse* to tag fannon#content as fannon#and *refuse* to leave either#Yes we are all having fun but how can a character tag be so so filled with people who have no idea of who they are#how can a character can be properly loved and take care of and have content that respect them if no one makes any attempt to *know them*#and it's disheartening because *comics* are supposed to be fun *fannon are supposed to be fun*#but for aome reason it's really *really* hard to have fun here anymore#I created this page to share my love for the characters I care about and see more content of people who care about them too#but I can't even *find* people who care about them any more and when I do they're all so angry and upset– And I *cant even blame them*#I just... I don't know why I am doing this anymore or for who I am doing this anymore#sorry to vent but it's been a while since I haven't been had a genuinely good time™ enjoying comics#I don't think even people who write those comics enjoy those comics or care about those characters#Sometimes feels like everyone is projecting on those characters rather than *writing about them*. And I can't find them anymore#fanfics used to be about love petters to characters who you love#nowadays seems like a competition to see who makes more funny words with tropes pre-written since 2007#vent
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With a grin, you looked back at Raph to tell him you were done- Only to fall short at the look in his eyes. His head had dipped further down into his palm while you were distracted, now blocking most of his expression out between his fingers. He was looking at you with a hazy, focused glint; one that you could only describe as a strange mix of absolute awe and hurt all at the same time. “Raph?” Your grin dropped, concern growing all over again. “Are you alright?” “... Are you?” He eventually asked back, tone lower than usual.
#look i remembered to post a chapter update on here ;u;#hggahhh#rise raph x reader#rise raph#rottmnt#ao3 fanfic#i can't remember how to tag these anymore either#whoops#goodnight <3
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just a guy that murders and tortures people at his job <3
#kinnporsche#kinnporscheedit#kinnporschesource#pete#tuserkatherine#tuserchlo#usertph#userboots#mickey look!#i'm taggin this as usual#but hmu if you don't want me to tag you in some things anymore#mt#gifs#remembered how giffing this moment almost made me cry#for some reason??#decided to dedicate a post to it#and now i can't stop looking at this straw#temporary tag
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"FREEZE YOUR BRAIN" THIS IS NOT AN EXACT TRANSLATION, THIS IS AN ADAPTATION (AND ONE THAT STILL NEEDS TONS OF FIXING AT THAT)
I regret my life choices of not being able to actually start studying. Here's "Freeze Your Brain" adapted in Italian!
ASK ME FOR PERMISSION BEFORE USING THIS, DO CREDIT ME IF YOU EVER USE THIS (I doubt you will it’s impractical and still needs so much fixing it’s unbelievable) AND TELL ME/LINK WHATEVER YOU USED IT FOR USING REBLOGS (because for some reason Tumblr doesn’t like comments with links and while I do think I understand why I don’t always like it)
(the apostrophes [or however ’ is called] are used to shorten the number of syllables often in poetry so I’m obviously abusing that power.)
[J.D.] Sono stato in dieci superiori Tutte la stessa scenetta Inutile abituarsi Perché ce ne andiamo di fretta Mio padre tiene nel baule pronti due bagagli Quindi è solo una questione di ricaricarli I nomi non imparo Che faccia è di chi non m'è chiaro La fiducia in questa oasi di cemento riparo Sembra che ogni volta che sto per disperarmi C'è un 7-Eleven ad aspettarmi Ogni negozio è lo stesso Da Las Vegas all'Ohio Corsie di linoleum che adoro Vagare io Prego al mio altare di granita; Sì, adoro quella dolce botta di vita...
Congela il cervello Succhia dalla cannuccia Meglio di un coltello Arriva la felicità Quando tutto se ne va A chi serve uno spinello? Congela il cervello Congela il cervello
[J.D., parlato] Ti va un tiro?
[VERONICA, parlato] La tua mammina sa che mangi tutta quella merda?
[J.D., parlato] Non più
(cantato) Quando mamma era viva Vivevamo quasi normalmente Ora siamo solo io e mio padre Stiamo meno formalmente Ho imparato a cucinare Le tasse a pagare; Imparato che'l mondo Nemmeno un cent ti vorrà dare Il tuo futuro hai pianificato Veronica Sawyer Andrai a qualche college E sposerai un avvocato Ma il cielo farà male Quando su di te sarà demolito Quindi è meglio se Il tuo muro l'avrai già costruito...
Congela il cervello Nuota nel ghiaccio Perditi nel suo doloroso bello Chiudi bene i tuoi occhi Fino a che non ti vedran quegli sciocchi Non diventare uno zimbello
Congela il cervello Distruggiti il teschio Combatti il dolore con uno più bello Dimentica chi sei Liberati da quel peso Dimentica in un mese e mezzo Riavrai lo stesso frainteso Quando la voce nella tua testa Dice ch'uno come te è meglio se non resta Non ascoltare a quello
Solo congela il cervello Congela il cervello Vai avanti e congela il cervello...
(parlato) Provaci So, direct translation! (used in this to specify the meanings and explain certain word choices)
[J.D.] I've been through ten high schools They're all the same little scene (but little in this case is meant in a negative light) No point getting used to it 'Cause we're gone in a hurry My dad keeps two suitcases ready in the den So it's only a matter of refilling(/repacking) them I don't learn the names Whose faces is whose isn't clear to me My trust resides in this concrete oasis Seems every time I'm about to despair There's a 7-Eleven waiting for me Each store is the same From Las Vegas to Ohio Linoleum aisles that I love To walk around in I pray at my altar of slush; Yeah, I live for sweet hit of life (or however you call that, basically gives life force again but something that gives you life force not in a literal sense)...
Freeze your brain Suck from that straw Better than a knife Happiness comes When everything goes Who needs a joint? Freeze your brain Freeze your brain
[J.D., spoken] You want a hit?
[VERONICA, spoken] Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?
[J.D., spoken] Not anymore
(sung) When mom was alive We lived almost normally But now it's just me and my dad We live less formally I learned to cook pasta To pay taxes; Learned the world Won't want to give you even a cent You've planned your future Veronica Sawyer You'll go to some college And marry a lawyer But the sky's gonna hurt When it'll be demolished on you So it'll be better if You'll have already built your wall
Freeze your brain Swim in the ice Get lost in its beautiful pain Shut your eyes tight(/well) Till those fools (sorry I had to use this for the rhyme) won't see you Don't become a laughingstock
Freeze your brain Destroy your skull Fight pain with a more beautiful one Forget who you are Free yourself from that weight Forget in a month and a half You'll have the same misunderstanding again When the voice in your head Says someone like you is better off gone Don't listen to that guy(/him)
Just freeze your brain Freeze your brain Go on and freeze your brain...
(spoken) Try it OG LYRICS (if you’re seeing this I doubt you don’t know them, but here they are anyway):
[J.D.] I've been through ten high schools They start to get blurry No point planting roots 'Cause you're gone in a hurry My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den So it's only a matter of when I don't learn the names Don't bother with faces All I can trust is this concrete oasis Seems every time I'm about to despair There's a 7-Eleven right there Each store is the same From Las Vegas to Boston Linoleum aisles that I love To get lost in I pray at my altar of slush; Yeah, I live for that sweet frozen rush...
Freeze your brain Suck on that straw Get lost in the pain Happiness comes When everything numbs Who needs cocaine? Freeze your brain Freeze your brain See upcoming pop shows Get tickets for your favorite artists
[J.D., spoken] Care for a hit?
[VERONICA, spoken] Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?
[J.D., spoken] Not anymore
(sung) When mom was alive We lived halfway normal But now it's just me and my dad We're less formal I learned to cook pasta I learned to pay rent; Learned the world Doesn't owe you a cent You're planning your future Veronica Sawyer You'll go to some college And marry a lawyer But the sky's gonna hurt When it falls So you better start Building some walls...
Freeze your brain Swim in the ice Get lost in the pain Shut your eyes tight Till you vanish from sight Let nothing remain
Freeze your brain Shatter your skull Fight pain with more pain Forget who you are Unburden your load Forget in six weeks You'll be back on the road When the voice in your head Says you're better off dead Don't open a vein
Just freeze your brain Freeze your brain Go on and freeze your brain...
(spoken) Try it
#heathers#heathers the musical#heathers 1989#jason dean#veronica sawyer#song adaptation#i'm sorry#in italiano#i'm lazy with tags today#sorry for that#non è ufficiale lol non so se hanno mai fatto la traduzione ufficiale o anche la traduzione#i tried to keep as many rhymes as possible#some syllables got fucked up (not in a dead girl walking way but in an “i am damaged” way [tried my best])#this machine runs on coffee adapts “heathers: the musical” songs in italian#freeze your brain#scheduled on the 28/5 for the 3/6 at 7:45AM#So... During the summer I'll be very busy#way busier than during the school year social media speaking#so no more song adaptations because I do them on my computer and I'll be far away from it#You might get one more if I can and it might be of Heathers or not(The Ballad Of Jane Doe is stuck in my head so no promises about anything#nothing might come out so really no promises at all#sorry about that#might also be why I hate the summer compared to the winter#in winter we stay at home#in the summer i travel and i'm glad and know i'm priviledged for this but it's gonna be a busy time and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#plus constant interaction with people#i don't remember how i used to be able to deal with it before the lockdown but now i can't anymore and need my time alone#or i'll become way more annoyed than usual and those things i have similar to sensory issues will get way worse#and i don't have time alone in the summer so i'm fucked#oh well
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guys i am trying Really hard not to have public opinions about of this morning... pray for me
#i work really hard not to do that. genuinely. every single time i reblog a meta or post my own opinion or write more serious tags#it is Vetted#i keep these things to my friends & my discord & such on purpose because. because. it's better for everyone#but im hanging on by a thread today i guess :')#for now.... just.... people need to remember that when youre debating fiction like this#the characters are fictional but the people listening aren't#and you can cause real fucking harm by talking about demographics the way people have been#rowan chatter#(if i see someone fucking say ray can't love again i'm going to kill. it's directly to murder i will be committing crimes)#(AND if i see another implication that he should've had to get sent to prison it'll be arson also)#fuck you all you dont get to have ray anymore. im taking him he's in my pocket now#do people even know how rehab & therapy fucking WORK#okay. okay. okay okk okokokkok mission failed a little#but we're far enough down in the tags now. reblogs are off. don't eat me
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#sory for not posting art as much anymore i only rlly do commissions atm bc my brain can't rlly Create Original Stuff rn#not rlly art block its jst been rlly horrific past few months for me BUT im fine so its whatevr !#thing is im safe and bills r paid im just.hungry and coping w 79373938 repressed memories coming back in full detail and its ROUGH#but also the fact that im remembering this stuff shows tht im in a safe enough situation to remember it so idk. super trippy stuff#frank.txt#getting access to my hospital records ws simultaneously th worst thing n best thing ive ever done#bc 1. im Not being irrational and my memories are real 2. Uh Oh Those Memories Are Real!#i confronted my mother abt it all and got the worst answer i could get so yeah!!! i havw no energy to do ANYTHING#except commissions and like. sleeping. and makig some bannock with jam#ptsd mention#man idk how 2 tag ths . ill go back to occasionally posting silly pics of my cat EVENTUALLY#no motivation for anything aside frm little things tht makw me feel Less dread LMAO
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Taylor Swift prompts: Jyn/Cassian, 35
35. love me like I’m brand new (from this prompt list) Note: completely independent of Zainab's prompt fill from this week expanding her sambucky teachers AU, I was busy writing her a teachers AU for this prompt! Same hat, as usual! I meant to get it finished and published by our friendiversary (this past tuesday) but that didn't quite work out. Still, within a week ain't bad. Cross posted to AO3, if that's more your jam.
“Okay, I’m proposing a new drinking game,” Jyn’s voice crackles over the walkie-talkie. “Drink every time the DJ plays a song Cassian doesn’t know.”
Cassian whips his head around, looking for her but doesn’t see her anywhere in the crowded room. It is dark, though. And full of high schoolers who are mostly taller than her. She could be anywhere.
“Where are you?” he asks, into his own walkie-talkie. “I don’t even see you.”
“I am the night,” she replies, in her best Batman impression, which is not very good, honestly.
“We can’t play that drinking game,” Bodhi interjects. “We’ll be dead in under an hour.”
“Hey!”
“No drinking at prom,” Baze replies, bored.
“Wait, when did we make that rule?” Jyn asks.
“You better be joking.”
“I am, don’t worry. I take the safety and security of this event very seriously,” she says. “And I can’t think of anything worse than being drunk around high schoolers.”
“Drunk in front of your parents?” Bodhi suggests.
“That’s me every Christmas, baby!”
“Is this what we’re supposed to be using the walkie-talkies for?” Cassian asks.
“Wow, did you just tattle on me?”
“Chirrut, we’re gonna need a ruling,” Bodhi interjects.
“Ten-four,” Chirrut replies. “Definitely tattling.”
Jyn blows a raspberry directly into her walkie, and Cassian sighs. “I think he meant about the proper use of the radios, Chirrut.”
“Oh, then yes, this is exactly how I envisioned us using them,” he says.
“Best prom ever,” Bodhi says, dryly.
“Speaking of which, who’s in the lead in the flask count?”
“That would be my beloved, with a grand total of 12 so far,” Chirrut says, and Baze makes a point of groaning into the radio because he hates when Chirrut calls him pet names at work. “Followed by Cassian, with 8, and Jyn with 5. Bodhi and I are tied for last with 2 apiece.”
“Actually, Kay is in last place, with negative four thousand because he’s a little bitch who called out sick from chaperone duty at the last minute,” Jyn replies.
“Yes, let the record show Kay is in last place forever,” Chirrut says.
“Amen,” Cassian replies. “What are you doing with all these flasks, anyway?”
“Jyn, don’t you dare say Jungle Juice,” Bodhi says, immediately.
“JUNGLE J—hey!”
“Jungle Juice is never the solution to any problem!”
“You’re right about that,” she says. “Jungle juice is, at best, always just a neat way to go from having one problem to two problems.”
“To actually answer Cassian’s question, we generally just give them over to the central office,” Baze says. “With our report for the night. The administrative team decides what to do with that information afterwards.”
“We’re not really going to nerf these kids for getting rowdy at prom, are we?” Jyn asks. “We’re not even on school grounds.”
“I didn’t realize you were so tender-hearted, Erso.”
“Bite me, Andor! Just for that, I’m taking your second place spot in the Flask Olympics.”
“Flask-Off,” Chirrut replies.
“The Flasked Singer,” Bodhi suggests.
“Flask and you shall receive,” Jyn adds.
“Everyone shut the flask up and get off the walkies,” Baze interrupts. “You’re all giving me a migraine.”
Cassian tucks the radio back in his pocket and returns to his actual job of chaperoning. The students are all dancing to a song that he absolutely does not recognize, though it would require advanced forms of torture to get him to ever admit that to Jyn now. In the middle of the crowd, he spots Rey and Finn, still wearing their cheap plastic crowns from the prom court ceremony and doing some dance that involves windmilling their arms a lot. He shakes his head, and continues his sweep of the room, spotting Bodhi in a far corner and giving him a salute, which Bodhi returns.
“Flask-athalon,” Jyn says, at his elbow and he nearly jumps out of his skin.
“Where the fuck did you come from?” he asks, not sure how she managed to sneak up on him.
“Bathroom,” she says. “Did you hear my flask joke? I thought of it on the way over, but I don’t want to get on Baze’s bad side.”
“So you chose to instead inflict it on me? What did I ever do?”
“Mean,” she says. “You’re so mean. And now you’re on my bad side. Was it worth it?”
“I’m not scared of your bad side,” he says, and it comes out all stupid and tender by accident. There was meant to be some bravado in there somewhere but he forgot, or he misplaced it, or something.
“They all say that,” Jyn replies, crossing her arms. Hers comes out tender too, probably also by accident. There’s a not-so-hidden but they don’t really mean it at the center of it. He means it, though.
“Everything alright?” he asks, and she frowns, confused. “On your patrol,” he clarifies.
“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Just had to comfort Rose Tico in the ladies’ room.”
“Poor Rose,” Cassian says. She had been in his office a handful of times last semester. Her sister is away at college this year, and she was having trouble adjusting. It seemed like she’d been doing better lately, though. “Nothing serious, I hope?”
“Well, Finn asked her to prom ages ago, as friends, but now he and Rey are kind of an item, but he still honored his promise to go with her and then he and Rey got voted prom king and queen and Rose had a meltdown that he only went with her as his date out of pity and that he’d rather be here with Rey and…it was a whole thing. Then, Jannah and Kaydel showed up to check on her and I gave them some space to work it all out.”
As if on cue, Rose re-enters the room at that moment, with Jannah grasping one hand and Kaydel holding the other. Cassian watches as they rejoin everyone on the dance floor and as Rey shrieks in delight at seeing them and throws her arms around Rose’s neck. Rose returns the hug, letting go of the other girls, and they sway like that, fully out of time with the music, for a good thirty seconds. Over their shoulders, Jannah and Finn are doing the robot while Kaydel pretends not to know any of them.
“Looks like they smoothed things over,” Cassian says, and Jyn nods, looking pleased.
“Every day. Every single day, I am so glad to not be a teenager anymore,” she says, while surveying the room.
“You’re preaching to the choir,” he replies. “I was such a pain in the ass back then.”
“You’re still a pain in the ass.”
Cassian laughs. “I was a different kind of pain in the ass, then. The worst kind.”
“I find that hard to believe,” she says, softly.
“Good,” he says, smiling. “That means I grew up into the sort of man my mother wanted me to be.”
Jyn doesn’t say anything to that, just watches the crowd of students with an inscrutable expression on her face. It was probably a weird thing to say, here, at prom, but it had just jumped out. She has that effect on him, strangely enough. He has this very stupid urge to be honest with her all the time, to just spit out whatever he’s thinking and feeling and pray that she finds it interesting or at least that it doesn’t scare her away. He’s still not sure what to do with that instinct.
Before he can decide, Bodhi’s voice crackles over the walkie-talkies, in stereo, since Jyn and Cassian are standing next to one another. “‘Look on my works, ye mighty and despair,’ suckers,” he says. “Chirrut, please bring my flask count up to four!”
“Four?” Jyn replies, unbelievably quick on the draw with her radio. “You got two off of one kid?!”
“I’m coming for your spot, baby!”
“Oh, it’s on now,” Jyn says, exclusively to Cassian. “I cannot let this kind of insult stand.”
Cassian pulls out his walkie-talkie. “Chirrut, does he get extra points for quoting Percy Shelley while confiscating flasks? Because I feel like maybe he should.”
“Traitor,” Jyn whispers, and then, into her radio, adds, “That’s not in the rules!”
“Agreed. This is purely a numbers game,” Baze replies.
“And Percy Shelley sucks!” Jyn says.
“Hey! Don’t make me come over there!”
“Bodhi doesn’t get extra points for style,” Chirrut interjects, over the radio, “but I am contemplating adding a ‘Best in Show’ category, with this in mind.”
“Wow,” Cassian says, mildly, to Jyn. “Now you can lose twice!”
“That invitation to bite me still stands, you know.”
“Oh, believe me, I do.”
Jyn stretches her arms out wide. “I should be on the move. I’m never going to take Baze’s spot if I stand here fucking around with you.”
“You’ll have to take mine first.”
“Oh, honey,” she says, patronizingly. “That won’t be a problem.”
“Y’all,” Bodhi’s voice crackles over the radio again, “I swear these kids are just drinking paint thinner.”
“Ew, did you try the flask?” Jyn asks into her walkie immediately. “If Bodhi gets to drink, we all do.”
“No, you absolute child, I just sniffed it.”
“And?”
“And I think it’s the last thing I’ll ever smell.”
Jyn sticks her tongue out at Cassian in disgust, making him laugh. “Easily half of mine have just been Fireball Whiskey,” he says, to the group.
“Ah, to be young,” Baze says, wistfully.
“You couldn’t pay me to drink that now,” Jyn says, just to him. “Actually, who am I kidding? I’m a public school teacher with student loans. You could pay me to do just about anything.”
“That is good to know,” Cassian says, raising an eyebrow at her suggestively, and she smacks his arm. “What? I have this fence at my place that needs painting and I–”
“First, Percy Shelley and now Mark Twain? Can’t I get a goddamn break around here?”
That is, of course, the moment two students choose to approach them and, naturally, they’re both on his caseload. They laugh nervously at hearing one of the teachers swear, but ultimately just ask Cassian if it’s okay for them to take a photo with him.
“Of course,” he says, straightening his jacket a little awkwardly.
“I’ll take it, if you like,” Jyn offers, holding out a hand. “I can work wonders with an iPhone.”
The two girls hand over their phones, and Jyn diligently takes a few shots with each of them. After a moment, she says, “Last chance to give Mr. Andor devil horns or bunny ears. Going once…”
“Okay, I think we’re good,” he says, stepping back to let the girls collect their phones from Jyn.
“Thanks, Mr. Andor,” one of them, Leida, says, brightly. “And you, Ms. Erso.”
“No problem,” Jyn says, looking amused.
“I really like your dress, by the way,” the other girl, Maia, adds.
“Oh, thank you,” Jyn replies, looking down at it self-consciously, as they head off. She returns her gaze to Cassian, looking ready to pounce. “What’s it like to have such ardent admirers?”
“Oh, shut up,” he says, rolling his eyes, even though he can feel his face warming up at her teasing. “Both of them are going off to ivy league schools with my help. That’s all it is.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it has nothing to do with how handsome you are.”
“You think I’m handsome?” he asks, delighted. “Jyn, I had no idea!”
“Then you’re as blind as Chirrut,” she grumbles, holding her radio up to her mouth. Before he can ask any follow-up questions, she presses the button and asks the group, “Are we tracking how many photos with students we take? Because I hate to admit this, but Cassian might be in the lead.”
“No way,” Bodhi responds. “I’ve taken so many!”
“Were we counting those?” Baze asks. “Chirrut, as master of ceremonies…”
“They’re going to have to start paying me extra to keep track of all these different competitions!”
“I was kidding!” Jyn exclaims. “Your students have seriously been asking for photos all night?”
There’s overlapping sounds of agreement from everyone, making Jyn frown.
“Those bastards,” she grumbles. “I let them eat lunch in my classroom so they don’t get bullied and they don’t even want a photo with me?”
“You see, this is where being a guidance counselor pays off,” Cassian says. “Sure, you need an advanced degree and you don’t make any more money, and you mostly deal with kids having breakdowns about FAFSA in your office all day, but sometimes, at prom, students will ask for a photo with you. That’s why Baze and I are crushing it.”
Jyn snorts. “Yeah, because I never deal with kids crying in the art room,” she says. “And besides, Bodhi is a teacher, just like me, and everyone likes him!”
“He’s an English teacher,” Cassian points out. “He pulls that Dead Poets Society crap with them and lets them recite poems while standing on their desks, or whatever. Of course they like him.”
“And I just teach them how to express themselves through art! Boring!”
“So boring,” he says, even though he sometimes thinks Jyn has the hardest teaching job in the whole school. She’s a photographer by training, but she has to teach every artistic discipline that the school can afford the supplies for. He’s been to her classroom when she’s doing her Senior Project Seminar, which functions like an independent study for the students to choose what they want to make for the semester, and she’ll be critiquing photos with one student, while helping another with a sculpture, and ordering supplies for the kids drawing with charcoal and pastels or painting with oils and watercolors. It makes his head spin just to watch.
“It’s not the dress, is it?” she suddenly asks, anxiously. “I know Maia said it was cute, but she wasn’t being sarcastic, right?”
“No, she—the dress is fine. You look nice.”
Jyn blinks at him, a little surprised, and really, it’s not like he never compliments her. Of course, caught wrong-footed like that, he immediately tries to backtrack. “I mean, it’s a little 90s, but that’s in again, apparently, so you’re good.”
“90s?” she asks, looking slightly insulted. “How is it 90s?”
“I don’t know, it’s just…black and plain. The neckline is kind of…you know…”
“I clearly do not! Didn’t you just say it was fine?”
“It is! There’s nothing wrong with the 90s! It’s not your actual prom dress, is it?”
Jyn gives him a withering look. “No, Cassian, it is not. I didn’t go to prom in the 90s, for one thing. I was in high school in the 2000s.”
“Close enough.”
“And I didn’t go to prom at all for what it’s worth.”
“You didn’t go to prom?”
She rolls her eyes, but doesn’t look at him. “Does that really surprise you?”
“Did no one ask you?”
She turns on him then. “Why is that your first thought?!”
“Because you said—I meant, because that would surprise me!”
“Sure!”
“I’m serious. I would be shocked, if that was the reason.”
“The reason was I thought dances were stupid and my uncle would have told me it was stupid and my boyfriend was older, so—”
“Ah, makes sense.”
“Don’t—it wasn’t like that.”
“Sounds like it was exactly like that.”
“It wasn’t—he was a nice guy. He would have gone, if I’d asked.”
“But you wanted to smoke weed and pretend to like the movie Fight Club in his basement instead.”
Jyn rolls her eyes again, but he can see she’s also fighting off a smile. “Something like that. Anyway, that was junior year and then…well, I dropped out, so I obviously couldn’t go to my senior prom.”
“I didn’t know that,” Cassian says. “You got your GED instead?”
“Yeah, after a year or two of fucking around and doing nothing with my life, I decided having a high school diploma and maybe a college education might be useful.”
“And boy were you wrong.”
She laughs. “Don’t tell the kids.”
“It’s part of my oath as their guidance counselor, don’t worry.”
“What about you? Did you do the whole prom thing when you were in school?”
Cassian shifts uncomfortably, checking to make sure none of their students are in earshot. “Uh, yeah, you could say that,” he says, once he’s satisfied they won’t be overheard. “I had kind of the typical prom experience, I guess.”
“I genuinely have no idea what that means.”
“It means, I was eighteen when I went to my prom, so I did the whole ‘rent a hotel room afterwards and get laid’ thing with my…girlfriend.”
Jyn covers her mouth with her hands, clearly hiding a laugh. “You did not!”
“I did,” he replies, cringing. “I’m not proud.”
“Is that where the healthy pause before ‘girlfriend’ came from? Shame?”
“It’s…we…” Cassian laughs. It’s been almost twenty years and he still doesn’t know how to explain his relationship with Bix to other people. It would almost be easier if they weren’t still friends, because then he could call her an ex and be done with it. He’s glad they’re still friends, for what it’s worth, it’s just so much more complicated to explain. “She wasn’t exactly my girlfriend.”
“Oh, no…”
“She was my best friend. She still is—one of them, at least.”
“Oh.”
“We went to prom together because, well, no one else asked either of us. And we decided to get a hotel room after because we were eighteen and no one could stop us and we wanted to…”
“Yeah, uh, I know what you wanted to do,” Jyn says, amused.
“It was one of those ‘let’s just get it over with, together’ kind of deals,” he says, feeling hot with embarrassment over his younger self’s antics. Everything feels so urgent and intense when you’re young, but that somehow fades with age. And he admits that even as an adult who’s still frequently urgent and intense. “It seemed like the best way to handle it, at the time.”
“So, you’re telling me that this was…your first time?”
Cassian nods.
“At prom?!”
“After prom! It’s not as bad!”
“By a very slim margin,” Jyn says, clearly taking pity on him. After a moment, she adds, “You said you and this girl are still close?”
“Yeah, we’re still friends. We tried to date afterwards, because it turned out we liked hooking up, but it wasn’t—we worked better as friends, ultimately. We’re still friends. I went to her wedding last year. I mean, I was in it, but that’s because I know her husband too.”
“Wait, Brasso’s wedding?” Jyn asks. He’d shown her and some of the staff pictures after he came back, he’s just now remembering. “You dated Brasso’s wife in high school?!”
“It was obviously before they knew each other. I mean, I introduced them, so…”
“That’s so weird.”
“It’s not that weird.”
“I just don’t have any exes I’m close with still,” she says, shaking her head. “Not close enough to be in their wedding. I mean, goddamn.”
“Bix is barely an ex-girlfriend, at this point. She’s like family.”
“Wow.”
“I’m guessing things didn’t end well with Fight Club guy?” Cassian asks.
“Technically, I think I was the Fight Club guy in that relationship,” she says, with a laugh. “And no, things didn’t end well.”
“Not something you like talking about, I gather.”
“Not really,” she says, looking far-off and sad. It’s possible there are tears in her eyes, or maybe it’s just a trick of the strobing lights coming from the DJ’s booth. “Not at prom, at least,” she adds, with a weak smile.
He smiles back. “Well, I’d offer to dance with you, to help give you the prom experience you never had, but all of these kids have cell phones and a video of us would for sure end up on the internet, which we should probably avoid.”
“Scared of going viral on TikTok with me?” she asks.
“Deeply, deeply scared, yes,” he says, putting his hand on his heart. “My worst nightmare is ending up on Good Morning America being interviewed about a heartwarming video of me that I didn’t know was being taken.”
“But maybe if we got famous, random people would buy supplies for our classrooms,” Jyn says, her enthusiasm clearly faked if the devilish glint in her eye is any indication.
“I’m a guidance counselor,” he says. “I don’t need supplies. I need someone to burn the College Board to the ground.”
“With enough followers on TikTok, we could probably make that happen.”
“Sounds like someone really wants to dance with me,” he quips.
“Well, it might be my last chance.”
The song changes then, to a chorus of coos from a group of students at the edge of the dance floor nearby, and Jyn laughs. Cassian, meanwhile, is sweating. He suspected that a few people knew he was interviewing at another school, but he didn’t want to bring it up to anyone until he was sure of his plans, one way or another. But, apparently, Jyn knows.
“Tell me you at least know who this is,” she says, pointing up to indicate she means the song that’s playing.
“I’ve never heard this song in my life,” he admits, a little breathlessly.
“But you recognize the singer?” she asks. Cassian shakes his head, and she laughs again. “How do you work in a high school and not know who Taylor Swift is?”
“I know who she is,” he objects. “I just don’t recognize her singing voice immediately, I guess.”
“I forgot. You sit in your windowless office and listen to Creed all day.”
“You caught me listening to Creed one time! It is not a habit.”
“Well,” Jyn starts to say, before pausing abruptly as two students pass in front of them. “Hold on, was that—?”
“Hey, guys,” Cassian calls, immediately, and the two boys stop in their tracks. “You’re not allowed to have that here. Hand it over.”
The students clearly take a moment to debate the merits of complying with this order, before one of them reaches into his jacket pocket and produces a flask. He hands it to Cassian with a mumbled apology, which he accepts with a nod and waves them back to the dance. Cassian flips the top open, and tips it in Jyn’s direction.
She sniffs it. “Peach schnapps,” she says. “Classic.”
Cassian retrieves his walkie-talkie. “Got another flask for the count,” he says. “Not sure if it goes to me or Jyn, though.”
“A group effort?” Bodhi asks. “Unheard of.”
“Half a point each?” Jyn suggests.
“I’ll give you each a full point for it,” Chirrut replies. “But please know your spirit of bipartisanship disgusts me to my core.”
“Noted,” Jyn says into her radio. To him, she says, “We should probably spread out. For actual security reasons, but mostly because I refuse to share a medal with you at the end of this thing.”
“Firstly, it’s a secondhand karate trophy for the top prize—”
“Okay, well, now I want it even more, so…”
“Secondly, you’re never going to tie me, let alone beat me—”
“Your confidence will be your downfall, Andor.”
“And lastly, who, uh…who told you I was interviewing for another job?”
She pauses at that, and looks him over. “Mon let it slip,” she says, after much consideration. “It was an accident, she didn’t mean to—”
Cassian waves away her explanation. “I’m sure,” he says. “I’m not upset.”
“She was ranting to me and Bodhi about something to do with the school board and—”
“So, you and Bodhi both know?”
Jyn winces. “Uh, yeah.”
“And Baze knows because I thought it was only fair that I told him I was looking for other jobs…”
“Which means Chirrut knows,” she says, and he laughs. “And I’m sure you told Kay.”
“Yeah, so that….is a lot of people,” Cassian says, weakly.
“It’s not like we’re going to judge you if you don’t get it.”
“I—why would you assume I won’t get the job?”
She blinks, caught off guard. “I don’t! That’s not what I meant. You probably will, but on the off chance you don’t.”
“They made me an offer,” he admits, and watches her deflate.
“Oh,” she says. “Well, then, congratulations?”
“I haven’t accepted yet,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous tic. “They’re going to call me on Monday, so I have until then to decide.”
“Do you know what you’re going to say?”
“Not yet. I’m still…thinking.”
“That’s not like you,” she says, crossing her arms. “You usually have your mind made up on stuff right away. You’re not a ‘last minute’ kind of guy.”
“Well, I’m glad you know what kind of guy I am,” he replies, feeling oddly adversarial. She doesn’t mean anything by it, but still. He doesn’t like hearing himself described as though he’s so predictable.
“Okay,” Jyn says, putting her hands up in surrender. “You don’t want to talk about it. That’s fine.”
“I’m just saying, you don’t know me like that.”
She blinks for a moment at that before she schools her expression into something more neutral. “You’re right,” she says. “I don’t know you. I don’t know what you’re going to do, and you probably won’t even tell me once you decide. You’ll let Mon, or Baze, or whoever, do that, instead.”
“That’s not—!”
“You don’t owe me an explanation,” she says. “I’m just your co-worker, not your friend, I guess.”
“Jyn…”
“We need to split up, cover more ground.”
He thinks about trying to stop her, but then it would just be a big scene involving two chaperones at prom, which the students would find endlessly intriguing. He doesn’t want to draw that kind of attention, so he nods, solemnly, like this is all very important, and lets her go. Still, he can’t help it that he spends the rest of the night trying to spot her in the crowd as much as he does any actual chaperoning.
*
“The winner of the 3rd Annual Yavin High Senior Prom Flask-athalon–”
“I knew that would catch on,” Jyn interrupts, smugly.
“It’s the only choice,” Bodhi says, grinning.
“Please shut up so we can all go home,” Baze grumbles.
“Yes, listen to your undefeated flask hunting champion, Baze Malbus!” Chirrut announces, with great flair, as he hands over the trophy, which, even in the dim lighting of the parking lot, Cassian can clearly read that the inscription says 'Under 12 Judo Champion'. “Congratulations, my dear!”
“Thank you so much,” Baze says, drily, as he accepts his prize unenthusiastically.
“This is so rigged,” Jyn puts in from the other side of the group. “Baze wins every year.”
“Baze is good at catching teens drinking illegally, I don’t know what to tell you!”
“It’s true,” Baze adds. “It’s on my resume.”
“You know, that would be so weird for any other job,” Bodhi replies.
“Well, I wish I could give you all trophies for your hard work this evening, but then you wouldn’t learn any important lessons about teamwork or whatever it is that conservatives get mad about when the topic of participation trophies comes up,” Chirrut says, mildly.
“Kids these days,” Jyn says, mockingly shaking her fist. “Not enough of them hate themselves!”
“It’s important to experience as much crushing disappointment and embarrassment as possible before you get out into the real world,” Cassian agrees.
“And experience even more disappointment and embarrassment!” Bodhi adds. “While also paying taxes!”
“Also, there are only so many leftover trophies I can steal from the dojo before they’d notice and fire me,” Chirrut says.
“On that bright note,” Baze interjects, “let’s all go home. It’s been a long night and absolutely none of us are getting paid any extra to spend more time together.”
“Beautiful sentiment as always, Baze,” Jyn says.
“Thank you again for all your hard work!” Chirrut says, even as Baze grabs him by the elbow and starts gently towing him away in the direction of their car. “Our students are very lucky to have such dedicated teachers and counselors!”
“Thank you, Chirrut!” Bodhi calls after them.
“Drive safe, everybody!” Baze calls over his shoulder once Chirrut stops fighting him and laces their fingers together instead for the short walk.
“Night, guys,” Bodhi says to Jyn and Cassian before he starts to head off towards his own car.
“Goodnight, Bodhi,” Jyn replies, while Cassian waves him off.
The parking lot is empty except for their cars at this hour. They’d all met at the school and made the ride to the venue together, that way no one could call out of chaperone duty with car trouble or anything last minute like that. Probably there was some team-building aspect, too, but Cassian suspects the former was the primary motivation. Now, it’s creeping up to midnight and all the students have moved on to their afterparties and bonfires and whatever else, while the venue staff has streamers to clean up and tables to clear, and the chaperones are all heading home after a very long day.
It had rained briefly while the prom was going on, though it had thankfully waited until everyone was already at the venue to do so, which means no one’s photos or hair was likely ruined by it. The hazy humidity that had hung around all day was now replaced by a damp chill and a light breeze. The condensation glitters like jewels on the few cars in the lot and their dewy windows glow green as the streetlights reflect off of them. The wet ground blares with streaks of red light as Baze’s car starts up and his brake lights come on.
“Where’d you park?” Cassian asks Jyn, who’s still standing there, rooting around in her bag for her car keys.
“Oh,” she says, as if she wasn’t expecting him to address her. “Over there, by the auditorium.”
“Me too,” he says, nodding. “I’ll walk you.”
Having successfully retrieved her keys, Jyn brushes this off. “You don’t have to.”
“It’ll give me a chance to apologize.”
“It’s not that long of a walk.”
“I’ll talk fast,” Cassian replies, and holds out his arm as if to say, after you.
Jyn takes the hint and starts walking, allowing him to fall into step next to her.
“I’m sorry about what I said before, about you not knowing me very well. I didn’t mean to imply we aren’t friends, or that I don’t value your opinions, or anything like that,” he says, letting it all go like an exhale, because otherwise he won’t get the words out at all. “The problem is that I think you know me a little too well sometimes, and it honestly freaks me out. And tonight, you said the exact thing I was already worried about out loud, so I just panicked and tried to push you away.”
“The thing I said about waiting until the last minute really upset you that much?” Jyn asks, arms crossed over her chest. It takes him a second to realize it’s probably because she’s cold, and not because she’s mad at him. He starts to take off his suit jacket, but she stops him with a glare. “God, don’t.”
“You look cold.”
“I am cold, but my car is twenty yards away. I’ll live.”
“Fine.”
“Answer my question.”
Cassian stuffs his hands in his pockets just to have something to do with them. “Yes, it did upset me to hear that. I’ve been annoyed with myself about the same thing and I hated that it was obvious to you too.”
“Well, then, I guess I’m sorry too,” she says, earnestly. “I wasn’t judging you or anything, and I wasn’t trying to make you upset.”
“I know that. And thank you. I just—I can’t make up my mind what I want to do, and it’s very frustrating.”
“Do you think talking about it would help?”
“I’m not sure. The logical part of my brain is telling me to go, to take the new job. It’s more money, I’d be the head of the department in a better funded school. And while I love it here, unless Baze retires—”
“Which he won’t. At least, not for a long time.”
“Exactly, but still, that’s the only way I can move up and make more money. Unless I go to another school.”
“I get it,” Jyn says, and it sounds like she means it. “Those are valid considerations.”
“But I really do love it here,” Cassian objects. “I love the students, and I love the staff. I love working with all of you.”
“Yeah, and I bet all the teachers at that new school fucking suck,” she adds, with a malicious glint in her eye.
“I mean, what are the chances they do a yearly Flask-athalon at their prom?”
“It’s extremely unlikely,” Jyn says, somber now, “and if they do, they owe me and Chirrut royalties.”
“So, you see my dilemma?”
“I do. And I accept your apology, for what it’s worth. I didn’t know I’d be bringing up such a fraught subject for you. I would have been more careful, if I’d known.”
They arrive at Jyn’s car then and Cassian has to laugh at finding it parked one spot away from his own. The parking lot had been full when he got here, with a lot of underclassmen still around for extracurriculars and team practices and faculty staying late to do work, so he just picked the first spot he found. He hadn’t even noticed her car there, because someone had been parked between them. Now there’s just an empty space, where they stop to finish their conversation.
“It’s really fine,” he says, as he looks over at her. “I overreacted.”
Jyn shrugs one shoulder up to her ear, still looking cold in a way he finds provoking. He really wishes she’d just take his jacket. “It’s a big decision.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“You know you won’t get rid of us just by going to another school, right?”
“Yes, but we’ll all see each other a lot less,” he says. “And you know how these things go. We’ll promise to stay in touch, or to get drinks, or just to see each other regularly, but we won’t. We’ll drift apart, sooner or later.”
“So, don’t take the job,” Jyn says, watching him carefully.
“What about all that other stuff–the money and the promotion and everything?”
“Who cares?” she says and he laughs, hopelessly. “I’m serious! If you were actually that motivated by money, you wouldn’t work in a public school. You wouldn’t have even gone to school for counseling, for that matter. So, turn it down.”
“But doesn’t that make me…kind of…?”
“Kind of what?”
“I don’t know! Ridiculous? Sentimental? Turning down more money to stay with my friends?”
“Again, I ask you: who cares?”
“Well, I fancy myself a very cool, detached person.”
Jyn snorts. “You?”
He frowns at her. “Yes, me! You don’t think I’m cool and detached?”
“No,” she says, “not at all. Are you crazy? You’re the least cool person I know!”
“Wow, thank you.”
“I mean, not that you’re not cool like—I’m saying you’re not too cool for anything, you know? Like, you care so much about everything! Even dumb bullshit that no one else can be bothered to even pay attention to, you care about it! I don’t know how you do it. I’m an art teacher, I’m supposed to be all passionate all the time, and I still feel like a robot compared to you. It must be exhausting to care so much.”
“That’s your impression of me?” Cassian asks, a little bowled over.
“I meant all of that as a compliment,” Jyn says, looking nervous. “And I didn’t mean to go on and on about it, I just—you assume everyone is like you, that they’re as good as you and they care as much, and I sometimes think you don’t see that you’re special. It’s the best thing about you, how much you care.”
“And I thought the best thing about me was my eyes,” he responds, weakly.
“Well, you do have nice eyes, that’s true,” she says, looking down at her shoes.
“I do have another reason—a selfish one—for thinking of accepting the new job.”
“What’s that?”
“I think that if there was someone here—someone on the faculty here, I mean—that I maybe wanted to date, it would possibly be less weird for us if I worked at a different school,” he answers, with his heart in his throat.
“Oh,” Jyn says, still not meeting his eye. Her foot scuffs back and forth on the pavement anxiously. “I guess, in that case, you would probably want to be sure that this person is actually interested in you before you make any huge life decisions with her—I mean, them—in mind.”
“I’m pretty sure she is interested in me too.”
“How do you know?”
“She just told me I have nice eyes,” he says.
Jyn looks at him then, her gaze lifting to his face suddenly as she narrows her eyes. “Seriously? How long have you—?”
It doesn’t take much effort—two steps, really—to get close enough to draw her into his arms and kiss her like he’s been wanting to basically since the day she started at the school. She makes a surprised noise that’s immediately muffled by their mouths coming together and then it’s just them kissing. Finally. And it’s every bit as good as he imagined it would be, with her kissing back with as much intensity as he’d expect from the person who loves to give him hell on a daily basis. Her arms come to wrap around his neck, dragging him down to her level, and his clasp around her lower back, desperately trying to afford them some stability in this position.
“The others are gone, right?” she asks, more or less against his mouth.
“Uh…” He turns his head, peering across the parking lot, which gives Jyn access to his jaw and his neck and he’s not mad about it, though it does make thinking straight more difficult than usual. He doesn’t see any other cars left. “I think it’s just us.”
“Good,” Jyn says, and pulls him with her by his shirt until her back hits the side of her car. Once settled there, she leans up for another kiss, and he has to brace himself against the door to stay standing. The condensation from the window wets his palm and makes him shiver, which makes Jyn laugh. He doesn’t bother explaining, since he’s not sure he could convince her that it has nothing to do with kissing her.
They make out like idiots, in the parking lot of the school they work at, where anyone could see them, for an inadvisably long time. By the time they come up for air, he has thoroughly ruined Jyn’s hair, the straps of her dress are hanging loosely off her shoulders, and anyone who looked at her would know she’d been doing some very serious kissing. Cassian is sure he’s looking equally disarrayed. Despite them being pressed closely together, he can feel the goosebumps rising on her skin and chafes her arms with his hands to warm them.
“How long?” she asks, softly, wearing an amused smile that might be at his attempt at gallantry or something else entirely. When he gives her a questioning look in response, she adds. “How long have you wanted to do that?”
Cassian pretends to think about it. “How long have you worked here?”
“Two years.”
“There’s your answer.”
“Really?” Jyn asks, astonished somehow. “I thought you hated me when we first met.”
“You made me nervous,” he says, still caressing her arms. “You still make me nervous.”
She loops her arms around his middle now, pressing them together in a way that feels very dangerous in a school parking lot. He clears his throat in the most obvious fashion imaginable and she gives him a knowing smile.
“That’s not the only thing you make me, for what it’s worth,” he points out.
“I gathered as much,” she says, pleased with herself.
He raises a hand to cup her cheek, drawing his thumb gently over the corner of her mouth. “You know, a nice person would say something about how I make them feel, at this point in the conversation.”
“You already got a whole speech about how passionate and sexy you are,” she objects. “Don’t be greedy.”
“I don’t think the word ‘sexy’ came up in that little speech of yours, actually. Could you maybe elaborate on that?”
Jyn shakes her head before she leans in to kiss him again, this time trading their earlier desperation for a slower pace. “Not here,” she says, once she’s drawn him in again. “Not to be corny, but my place or yours?”
“Whichever’s closer,” he says, immediately.
She laughs and bites her lip to try to hide it, which is very distracting. “Good answer. I think that’s me, then.”
“I’ll follow you,” Cassian replies, with a nod towards his own car.
“You don’t want to just ride over with me?”
“I don’t want to park here overnight, and I do not trust myself in a car alone with you right now.”
“It’s a five minute drive,” she says, unimpressed.
“I could get into a lot of trouble in five minutes.”
“Okay, then,” she says, with a gusty sigh. “You might have to put your money where your mouth is on that one.”
“Don’t worry. I’m willing to put my mouth lots of places.”
“Idiot,” she laughs, swatting his arm. “Let’s go, then. I’m freezing and I’m wet.”
“You’re—well, that’s—oh, from the car! And the condensation…from the rain.”
“Wow,” Jyn says. “That was so smooth.”
Cassian laughs, and hangs his head. “In my defense, I—”
“Yes?”
He looks down at her, looking a little flushed and mussed up and still utterly defiant and perfect. “I just can’t believe it took me this long to get here,” he admits, even though it’s a stupid and besotted thing to say.
Jyn gives him an endearingly sweet smile. “And I can’t believe I’m going to hook up with you after prom. I mean, what a cliché!”
“I did offer to give you the prom experience you never had,” he says, with a laugh. “Besides, some things are cliché for a reason.”
“Oh, yeah?” she asks, gazing up at him. “Why’s that?”
He thinks about all the stories he’s heard about love at first sight. He thinks about all the couples he’s heard say they’re in love with their best friend. He thinks about everyone who’s said that, when you’re with The One, you just know. He thinks about every piece of dating advice that told him to find someone who makes him laugh. And he thinks about happily ever after.
“Because they seem stupid until they happen to you,” he says, simply.
Jyn doesn’t bother saying she agrees. She just pulls him in for another kiss.
#truly been agonizing over this for days#the last 200 words were pure torture but we did it besties#rebelcaptain#jyn erso#cassian andor#bodhi rook#chirrut imwe#baze malbus#rogue one#rogue one au#jyn x cassian#jyncassian#teachers au#modern au#i literally can't remember how to tag fic anymore rip me#taylor swift song prompts#prompt game#prompt fill#idk i just listened to the song this prompt is from and i was like it's giving me prom vibes#we like to have fun here at birdhapley incorporated#firstelevens#homelywenchsociety
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Treat People With Kindness | Los Angeles 27/01
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Hi Olivie bestie!
This is so random but “The Prophecy” on Taylor’s new album (which right now is my absolute favorite off the album-and is slowly on its way to overtaking a song and getting on my top 10 Taylor songs of all time. Don’t worry I’m sparing you all the personal reasons why it's my favorite) feels very the atlas series or more just OB/AFF literary universe coded.
Like to me among other things it dabbles with questions like: Does fate exist? How much of our life is controlled by it? Who controls it? Can we change it? If we can change it, how? Who can change it? Can I do anything about it? Or is it set in stone? If it’s set in stone, who decided what my fate was? Why did they decide that? How can I have all this power and still not be able to control my own fate? Or my own happiness? Does my power mean anything if I can’t be happy? What does happiness mean? What does loneliness mean? How can I have everything but also nothing? etc etc etc
I just feel like you bring up these questions and themes a lot (which you already know I love) in your writing and so the song made me think of your books a lot. Maybe Taylor read one of your books and was like oh wow let me ruminate on these questions and put them in a song (using some of her own life story of course too).
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you! Okay I’m off to go relisten to the whole album to see which songs can fit my OB/AFF universe ships (nicolibby, aldoregan, mayracal, portercecily, etc-don’t worry I’ll spare you my lists of these too) 🥂🥰
-Amanda ❤️
it's sooooooo hard for me at this point to feel creative about taylor's songs because her lore is so ubiquitous (like, I need matty healy's face to vacate my brain, I also really need travis kelce's coachella outfit to leave) but certainly that quandary is very on brand
(my favorite song on the album is florida!!! but I also like cassandra)
#taylor swift conspiracy theories#I think that's my taylor tag but I can't remember anymore#the takeaway here is I like the album but also I need to know wayyyy less about her#hoping to free up space in my mind#maybe then I'll remember how to use the coffee maker
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Set 4 of chapter 3, volume 4 of the Tokyo Babylon manga. 9th chapter overall.
Cleaning/typesetting done by me, official Dark Horse translation used.
Select/open the images to view in higher quality.
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#this has been in my drafts since november 2021 so i figured I would post it because I've already completed it so. yeah.#tokyo babylon#.....since i lost all my files i don't have my presets anymore.#now that i upload to tumblr it looks like i used the wrong font modifier. sorry for inconsistencies. i'll fix it next set#which might be the last one. because welp. you'll see in my end note maybe.#basically in photoshop the text looks thinner and matches the uploads but on tumblr it's way too thick. idk why it did that. i don't like it#also this is only 9 images because it's a good cut of point#and there are only 7 more pages anyway. i think#****#all the tags before this one save the nov 2021 one were written in november 2021. if you're curious how i was feeling#but yeah. want to post what is already done.#i saw someone else started doing new scans so i think my purpose here is kind of over#still love the manga. i still have it on the small shelf next to my computer to pick up and use again#but life has gone on and my free time is almost non-existent nowadays so if i ever do pick it back up. it will be a while from now#though when i saw the person who'd continued it was only until the end of the volume i think? i can't remember where i saw it#it's been months though. i wonder how far they got and if they're still going#i should look for it
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Just kinda the vibe lately ~
#personal#mine#its not even that life sucks lately#its that for a moment it was just so good#sure#it wasnt perfect even then#all the problems didnt disappear#and Id argue that midway through I did crash#hard#like every time life is kind#and it all feels too good to be true#do you know how heartbreaking it is#to learn that things dont have to be the way they are?#things have arguably been on the side of good since ive been back#really#its hard because it doesnt hurt#and it'd be easier if it hurt.#instead its this dream thats slipping through my fingers#I don't think I can remember most of it other than knowing it happened#remembering the realization that things could be different#a strangled pleading broken voice in the silence crying out that things were different!!#but I don't get to remember what it felt like anymore#its already slipped through my fingers like when the sun was setting over the sandy shore and i tried to cradle the ocean in my small hands#and take all that she was#an expansiveness I couldn't and still can't hope to fathom#home with me.#essays in the tags
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"Google and Amazon are impossible to boycott"
So if you do this cool thing where you
✨Read ✨
You'll actually see that those two are being pressured differently, but are on here since it's part of the targeted campaigns.
#girlbob.txt#i can't see the list anymore cause life is so cool but i do remember looking into that#because last time i looked at it i went 'hey those two are really difficult due to their presence' and saw what the actual details are#crazy how when you read the information that's available you can learn things available for learning#not directed at anyone who will read this lmfao it was a comment in the tags while i was looking into the fact that the list is being hidde
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why does he say "hehe" 😭
#shane is a hehe type of guy i guess#i love him sm fdsjkl#dandy plays stardew#i can't remember if that was my old stardew tag or not dsjkl i started a new save file (yet again) and im doing a shane run this go around#usually i go for Leah but this time... shane is just so failwife hfhdsjkl#also i dont have the polyamory mod installed anymore (too lazy to update it LOL) so i have to just choose one#and I think Leah's happy enough in her little cottage but Shane needs someone to help him along in life hfsjkl#i should draw out the weird chart i have in my head of how i chose who to pick fsdjkl its so funny#i'll clear off a whiteboard and draw it out bc i think it might be fun to share LOL#i also need a tag for shane i think....#dandy.cmd
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HI EVERYONE..... i’m just going to stick my little thoughts/updates into one post 👍
i’m doing good!! way better than i was when i was last online :’D
i have listened to so much music but recently i’ve been super obsessed with the cure + mcr + elliott smith.....
idk what to say honestly 😭 i don’t think i have any big great grand updates to make but i’ve made it through most of the year so wahoo!! hello!!
how is everyone <3 please let me know orrr maybe i will be annoying in people’s inboxes again <3
#i can't remember how to blog give me a second to get back into the swing of things#also i don't have a talking tag anymore i need to fix that#soapbox
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I just found an archive did u kno vy'keen evolved from
p r e y a n i m a l s
!??!?!?!?!?!?
i somehow completely forgot about this so this ask made me try to recall everything i ever knew about the vy'keen. THANK GOD i have like every piece of nms lore locally on my laptop. okay now to the vy'keen lore bc i've got some thoughts on this.
the vy'keen being originally prey brings another layer to their weirdly deep lore iceberg. i'm calling it weird because i think their lore is more based on implications of what is told (?) hence why people tend to overlook them.
i do think it's very interesting how fear is a major aspect of their ideology, and how largely it's connected to their aggression. You'd think that fear would be highly looked down upon in vy'keen society, but fear seems to be in fact their prime motivation, fuel and cause for being aggressive. They've made a weakness into their strength. this is rather oxymoronic, and it's not the only oxymoron related to the vy'keen. there is a second one (and you're the one who told me about this!): they're militant pacifists. now i guess you can call them fear-strengthened as well.
i remember the armorer having a raw quote related to weakness, something of: 'you can be weak, but you cannot stay weak.' For a society that's based on hostility, that is some amazing advise right there.
also i just had a WILD realization. humans are actually quite similar to the vy'keen. it's even safe to say that out of all the races, they're the most alike. hear me out: humans were once prey too in prehistoric times, and it was through cultivation of technology (or weapons!!) that they got elevated to the top of a figurative food chain. and the fact that human history is literally littered with war. Now this is making me wonder what the vy'keen exactly do with their aggression, like do they wage war the same way humans do or is there a difference in motivations? like what's their key goal for war.
all of this is proof for why the vy'keen is highly underrated. maybe one day i'll write something to spread the good word of the vy'keen.
#okay so the reason i even made the vy'keen-human connection in the first place is because i'd just read the novel version of a space odyssey#it was mostly due to the prologue#to sum up in a nutshell - it was about humans getting smarter and learning how to use weapons for hunting and protection#and can't forget the good ol violence against each other!!! (also as protection)#if you look at it this way - there is indeed some virtues to be found in aggression as an effective survival tactic#okay this is giving me some new ideas#there could come a point when the vy'keen don't need their aggression anymore - when they've been long enough at the top#and that could cause some huge society problems#this is somehow reminding me of the first spawn's situation#OKAY BEAR WITH ME HERE IN THE TAGS IM GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THIS#remember your previous ask about the first spawn?#the first spawn weeded out those that didn't agree with becoming aggressive#my point is#should the vy'keen h y p o t h e t i c a l l y reach a time when they no longer need aggression#they could be having the same situation as the first spawn - but inversed#like how the first spawn deemed docile gek useless - the vy'keen could try to get rid of the aggressive vy'keen#who would've become a (problematic) minority by then#yeah i may have read too much sci fi - though it's nice to think about stuff like this#just realized i have written a crapton in the tags i'll stop now#no man's sky#vy'keen#asks#nms lore
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sometimes I hear a significant song from a fandom I used to be in and it makes me want to scream and sob until I don't have any breath or tears left and I don't know why it feels so bad when back then, it felt so good.
#two birds by regina spektor#anyone else remember that owl house animatic?#or creature by half alive#there was an animatic made as a tribute to philza's hardcore world#I remember#and I really miss those times#it's not that I was happy during those times#but I think I felt whole#it's hard to feel that way now#the owl house#dsmp#wow those fandoms clashed#that's so funny to think about now#thoughts#I don't wanna tag philza cuz like I feel like philza fans are probably still chill and don't need my depression post lol#I just miss when I felt okay. I wasn't well and I was hurting but somehow I was still okay#I dont feel so okay anymore and I'm not sure why#I've never really been happy but now I'm not okay either and I don't know how to take that#sorry for my ranting#I just can't talk about it with anyone without being concerning haha#I hope no one has read this far but if you have hi hope you have a good night or day or whatever#hope you're life is okay and you don't relate to anything I'm saying and if you do well at least you can relate to funny internet memes#that's what I tell myself at least#if funny tiktoks about trauma and depression don't make having trauma and depression worth it then what does
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